Monday, September 21, 2015

Finding Me - What?! At this age?!

Okay - don't laugh.  I have strict instructions to find out who I am.  A simple command loaded with all kinds of unintended (and "intended") consequences.  Now that mothering has me on part-time hours, if that, I have the time to explore things I always wanted to do without interruption.  That's the easy part - as far as "things" go, I'm discovering a whole other side of me that is creative instead of "administrative".  Makes that BS in Finance look a little useless now.  I've discovered I love writing (eyes right for my 1st self-published book under a pen-name, of course, because I live near relatives now), I've created a bracelet line I'm taking to a fair in October for the first time, and I am awesome when it comes to floral design (see below).

 Like I said, the "things" were easy to figure out - the people, not so much.  This new stage in my life has given me lots of time to really observe and digest my relationships with people who were in my life when it was careening out of control for the past 20 years.  I'm also finally in a part of the world I love - my native Connecticut - and I at least feel more relaxed in my surroundings.  But back to the people.  Many of the "core" people in my life who were supposed to have my back, didn't.  Even though I'm pretty much a go-along kind of girl, I'm at a point in my life where just "going with the flow" is more like "going over the waterfall".  I am in danger of just shrugging along the rest of my years, acting very much as if I have another life to get it right in the event I don't grow some cajones in this one to tell people the uncomfortable truth about me and them.

I know I have to do some hard things in the near future if I'm truly looking to "find myself".  Stay tuned.  I fear it will be a rocky ride and can use all the support I can get.

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