Stuck Between Floors in Limbo

 

 "Gray skies are gonna clear up..."

This was the year I was supposed to finally figure out who I really am - not the high honors student my parents wanted me to be, not the sex goddess my husband expected me to be nightly (ok - annually) and certainly not the Mrs. Cleaver I know my son was just hankering for me to be.  Epic fail in all three categories.  However, in a pass-fail kind of way I did okay in every category - I just did not exceed expectations.  But the reason is - they were never MY expectations to begin with.

I'm in the middle of prepping my parents' home to eventually sell, altho since my father was a classic hoarder and lived in said house for over 45 years, so it ain't your typical clean-up.  My siblings are both having major surgery before the end of the year.  The Teen is attending college but living at home (I know I'm saving thousands in room & board, but some days - like today - it just doesn't seem worth it!).  They do not stop being snotty know-it-all jerks at 15 - that's just a warm-up session.  And the Husband, well, suffice to say for the time being that emotionally we seem to be in different time zones.

I know, I know - come down off your cross, we sure could use the wood.  Agreed.  I had a couple of good months where I was able to tune out all this static, lose a few pounds and self-publish a novel.  The thing is I need to lose more than a few pounds and figure out what I want to do next - not for anyone else but me.  Again, I know it sounds selfish and my Catholic guilt is kicking in big time, but this is something I need to succeed AND exceed at because I'm sick of putting on a happy face when it's the last thing I'm feeling.